Just a couple of years into their marriage, the bottom fell out of Ureal and Traci Lucky’s lives. He lost his job a month after they purchased their first home. The following day, Traci miscarried their first child after 16 weeks. A few months later, she discovered Ureal had been unfaithful and was addicted to porn. The following year, Traci also lost her job. How does any marriage survive that level of heartache?
The Luckys were graduates of the Newlywed or Close Life Bible Study (LBS) and had been attending another LBS when their lives began unraveling. “The first couple of years of our marriage were just fluff,” said Ureal. “We looked like a happy couple. Thankfully, God had put pillars around us — people in our lives who had been tested and tried in their marriages. When we reached out, we felt no judgment from anyone. The church showed up for us when we needed them most.”
Porn was first a coping mechanism for Ureal, and he admits the escape was easier than investing in the relationship when things got difficult. Once he began counseling, he realized he lacked the tools to live out biblical manhood. “I needed to walk in integrity, to have a deeper relationship with the Lord,” he said. “I had to be a godly man before I could be a godly husband.”
The couple began counseling, together and separately, to come to a place where Traci could forgive. “Once Ureal got into a program, he seemed to be open to doing anything to help me trust him again,” she said.
God’s grace overcame fleeting thoughts of suicide as Ureal kept his hope in God, and after learning that his failures did not define him. “I caused the hurt; I had to take responsibility,” he said.
The Lord began healing their hurts and restoring some of what they lost. God provided during times of unemployment so that they never had to take money out of savings to pay their bills. Ureal and Traci both eventually found jobs in their fields, but one more loss would devastate the couple just as their marriage was on the road to recovery. They lost another child at 20 weeks, due in March 2014. The following March they conceived their daughter Laurel, who was born healthy in December last year.
The couple is still working on their marriage, but after a year and a half, they can say they are truly best friends as well as partners in marriage. “We’ve been through a lot. I realized what a great woman Traci is, and wondered how I could have done this to her,” said Ureal. “We’ve experienced God’s healing — individually and as a couple."
If you or a loved one are struggling with pornography, visit the Victory Over Pornography post to find Pastor Gregg Matte's message by the same title as well as a variety of helpful resources — websites, books, videos, counseling services, and much more.